Stepford Beverage

It’s not every day that I am surprised by advertising. In fact, as an average American, I consider myself nearly immune. I am so inundated with it, I don’t really even see it anymore.

Which is why it’s amazing that this little gem got my attention:

Hubby and I were at the Kroger (grocery store). We’d been there a while (shopping for five can take some time). Anyhoo, we were checking out, and I spotted this little bottle in the ‘impulse buy’ checkout fridge.

I was peaked. And thirsty. And because I’m a nudnick, I actually read the fine print (the whole e.e.cummings bad grammar thing is all theirs):


orange-orange (C+calcium)

ah, orange juice commercials. funny stuff. mom cheerily prepares some huge breakfast while the rest of her family sleeps. sure, this could happen. but every morning? please. maybe if mom were heavily medicated, in which case, we wouldn’t condone operating a stove or any electrical appliance.

for those of us who don’t live in an orange juice commercial, there’s still a way to get your morning nutrition. this product has calcium and lots of vitamin c, so you can you can get your day started right, minus the whole stepford mom thing.

vitamins + water= all you need.”

How could I argue with that? A laugh, a beverage, and some vitamins. Well done, “the center for responsible hydration,” aka Glaceau*.

(*Now owned by Coca-Cola. Take that, Hubby, you Pepsi-drinking fool!)


4 responses to “Stepford Beverage

  1. Yep, that’s marketing at it’s best!!

    I love smartarse comments on packaging… my shampoo bottle says ‘As always, we recommend you follow with our conditioner, but then we would say that, wouldn’t we?’

    I’m a sucker for originality

  2. i think i’ve seen those ads, but like you, i’m numb to them…but, sugar, i swear, your post title is still cracking me up! stepford beverage
    well done! xoxox

  3. I love it! We have a juice company over here called ‘Innocent’. They make really great smoothies that you can buy in individual bottles or cartons, and they’re amusing to read.

    They say things like ‘Ingredients: five grapes, one orange, one apple, half a banana, six blueberries and a used teabag*’ then at the bottom somewhere ‘*We were joking about the teabag’

  4. I’m a sucker for VitaminWater. My love for their Energy and Focus drinks is an unholy one, to be sure. But part of it is that it doesn’t use high fructose corn syrup. Yes, there is sugar, but it’s not the “super bad for you” kind. Just the “you may not want to drink too much of this because, although we don’t use HFCS, it’s still sugar, you dumbass – but a little is okay,” kind.

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