I’m a Scientologist. I Suck.

According to these guys, (swiped from Live Grenades – they of LolTrek fame) I am an Idealist/Scientologist. Neither of these make me particularly happy, as I would much rather be an Evil Overlord.

Oh, well, as my parents always told me, it’s good to have goals.

ENFP: The Scientologist

The ENFP is a creative thinker who sees all humanity as connected to a cosmic whole, and gives of himself tirelessly to improve the condition of his fellow man.

Whether he’s creating bizarre religions aimed at bringing us all back to our origins as immortal space aliens made of pure thought or conducting seminars and classes on alien abduction, the ENFP is always seeking the answers to the great mysteries of life, such as “Who are we?” and “How can I use two tin cans and a Radio Shack multimeter to bring enlightenment to the world?” and “What is it with UFOs and anal probing, anyway?”

RECREATION: The ENFP is gregarious, outgoing, and slightly silly; they often spend their leisure time engaged in role-playing games, having pillow fights that lead to wild, lustful lesbian orgies, or being abducted by space aliens.

COMPATIBILITY: ENFPs are happiest in relationships with Tom Cruise.

Famous ENFPs include anyone who has ever dated Tom Cruise.

INFP: The Idealist

The INFP is a dreamy, imaginitive, idealist, capable of finding the good in anything or anyone, even something as foul as Newark, New Jersey. INFPs are sometimes dangerous to the well-being of society as a whole, as they are prone to adopting subversive and destructive ideologies like “The world should be fair,” “People should treat one another well,” and “You know, ‘Friends’ is a really, really stupid television show.”

These irrational thought patterns may sometimes cause INFPs to run off and join the circus, the Resistance, or the Rebellion, where they tend to do well in any position requiring excellent hand-eye coordination or mastery of the Force.

COMPATIBILITY: INFPs and ISTJs generally exhibit a natural predator/prey relationship, which, though it might appear harsh and cruel from the outside, is all part of the natural cycle of life. In fact, were it not for the predation of the ISTJ, the population of INFPs would soon grow to unsustainable levels, overwhelming the ability of their ecological niche to support them.

Famous idealists include that girl in your sixth-grade homeroom who got the teacher fired for saying that girls aren’t good at math; that guy in the cubicle next to yours who got the manager fired for saying that women don’t make good employees; and Anais Nin.

As I currently fall almost exactly between the I and the E, I am many different levels of suckitude. Ew. I hate myself.


4 responses to “I’m a Scientologist. I Suck.

  1. Loving your blog. Found it because you posted on mine. And the post on porn is simply fucking excellent. I will be back, dagnabbit.

  2. I’d class meself as across betwixt them too, too! However I HATE L. Ron Hubbard and his antics and I love ‘Friends’. I think outside the boxymoron.

    Don’t hate yourself. You’ll have nobody to talk to. I’ve been there.

  3. Aww, but just think – now you have free reign to couch-jump whenever you want.

  4. K8 the Gr8: “I think outside the bloxymoron.”

    LOVE that! I’ll be stealing it whenever possible.

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